As I pack up for another semester of college, I find myself stressed and full of way too many conflicting emotions. No one should be able to experience so many different emotions at once, it is not normal. I am worried and excited about this upcoming semester of school. I am busily packing everything except the kitchen sink into my tiny car while trying to except the fact that not everything is going to fit into my apartment, much less my civic (Her name is Betty! and I love her even if she can not hold my entire wardrobe). Then on top of this mess that I call organization, I am considering that I may be a very worldly person and that I claim to not be as a christian and that all of these possessions do not matter and i just lived out of a suitcase for a semester and in a bare cabin at Camp so I really know that I do not need all this stuff. Did I mention that I completely and desperately miss Camp? :(
But when I take a minute to really think about all of my emotions they stem on one main thing, I am scared of change. I hate it. Hate is a strong word, but really and truly I HATE change. It makes me scared, sad and stressed out all at once. College years are full of change. I change places to live each year; last year i spent 4 months in Clemson, 3 months in Italy, 1 month in Augusta, 2 months at Camp and another month in Augusta. That is too much moving, and packing and unpacking. Where is home??? Do not even get me started on future. I know my lie will be full of so many changes within the next 4 years: graduation from Clemson, moving, grad school, new job… the list seems never ending. I am scared.
And then I think about my faith and all that I believe. I believe that God, Abba, will be there for me all the way through. He has so many plans for me and they will all be perfect even if I do not know them now. Thinking about this promise is the only way I have been able to get through this stressful time and the only way little lost me will be able to push through whatever lies ahead. I read this beautiful verse yesterday (on instagram of all places):
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them. ~ Psalm 139:16
That verse was so comforting when not even my to-do-lists and planner could alleviate my stresses. God has this, he always had, even before I was born, and he always will. It is ridiculous for me to be so worried and emotional, because I know my father is almighty and caring at the same time. So now I just have that adorable sunday school song stuck in my head as as smile and continue to pack way too many pairs of shoes. I definitely recommend listening to it and reliving childhood; i am just warning it is very catchy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEkXzi19Crk
He’s got the whole world in his hands, he’s got the whole world in his hands, he’s got the whole world in his hands, he’s got the whole world in his hands…