My life is busy. When I say this most people are like my life is busy too, but really all I want to respond with is “YOU DONT UNDERSTAND.” It is not a competition but right now I feel that my life is busier then everybody elses. This is of course a partial and biased opinion because I am only experiencing my own life and sometimes forget that others may be experiencing the same overwhelming stress that I am.
My days are full of class, homework, studios, bible studies, extracurriculars, new adult things like grocery shopping, trying to fit in exercise, leadership positions, keeping up with old friends and making new friends. I feel as if I am pulled in one hundred directions. I no longer remember to eat or sleep. I have also become very forgetful about important things like bringing a lab coat to lab. For those of you who have not known me for years, I am not a forgetful person when it comes to my school work. I do not forget and I am alway prepared. This week I have forgotten at least one thing every day. Today it was my lunch; luckily I have awesome roomies. I know that I have too much to do when I can not remember to put it all on my to do list, it does not all fit, there are not enough hours in the day. I feel as if I am always behind.
So that is my rant and that brings me to what I have been thinking about for the past couple of weeks in all of my spare moments. Why am I doing all of this? Are there better ways to be spending me time? Is this what God has intended me to do with my life? Is spending over 20 hours drawing a silly still life really helping my relationship with God?Honestly, No. I do not think God wants me to be so busy that I can not sit back and enjoy the flowers. (Though last night I took an entire night for myself for the first time in three weeks to go stargazing. It was beautiful and relaxing and exactly what I needed in my chaos.) But what can I do? I feel like God is using me in my leadership positions. I can not stop keeping up with my friends and there is no such thing as having too many friends. School is not really optional. Church is the only thing keeping me going. I am left with the question: how do I continue focusing all of my life on following Christ? and having a beautiful relationship with him?
I have no answer.
He says “Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations,I will be exalted in the earth.”
Is it hypocritical to write a list to plan to be less busy? Probs.
These are my thoughts, they may not be right and it may not work so I guess I should call them “Goals.”
1. Make every action, conversation and work intentional.
2. Take time to relax and pray. Whenever and wherever it is needed or just feels right.
3. Not all worldly ambitions are important, and not all things will be perfect. I just need to let got and give my worries to my Father. (this may be the hardest thing ever. it is hard for me to even type it)
4. Spend time in quiet devotion, reading the bible, learning, thinking and listening.
This semester is making me realize more than ever, that I can not do everything and especially not without my loving and supportive Abba.