For the past month I have managed to go on a trip every weekend. Each has been very different and educational in its own way. Two weekends ago I went to Asbury Hills with the Wesley foundation for our winter retreat. The program staff and I had been planning games, competitions and discussion topics for about a month and nothing seemed to be falling into place. Our topic for the weekend was "lead by the Spirit", looking at Galatians 5, so that was pretty vague. I honestly thought that the weekend was a disaster waiting to happen and I debated staying home "sick" from the whole ordeal.
During this planning and decision-making month, my brain was being pulled onto the roller coaster called " The Future" (bum bum bumm...) with an extra scary cork screw called "grad school". Basically I have been worried and tied up in this constant internal struggle of over where I am supposed to be next year. I do not have enough information (as in acceptance letters) to make this decision, yet my brain rolls on.
So here comes this retreat that I begrudgingly leave my comfy couch for, and you know what? It was exactly what I needed. It is crazy how God does these beautiful things sometimes even when we are being pouty humans.
On one occasion, while he was eating with them, he gave them this command: “Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about. For John baptized with water,but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.”
This is the verse that finally opened the sodium channels for an action potential.
In Acts books 1 and 2 there are traditional pentecost verses that I have heard many times but at the retreat we looked at the holy spirit as a gift, a gift of something to say, a word of hope. Sometimes all we have to offer is to be a people of hope, but this gift, the Spirit, can be take everywhere!
There is a balance between discernment and living boldly with love. We can get so caught up in the details, like where should I go to grad school? Does it matter what I do this summer? Does it matter if I can show love and help others wherever I go?
I have been too caught up in the details of the future when I am being lead and held by the Spirit to live and love where I am.