These weeks have been going and going, I will not tire you out with the details or lists upon lists. I find myself wondering, when will it stop? When can I slow down?
I have found myself bothered and troubled by Matthew 6: 24- "No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money." The money thing is not really where I am getting hung up, it is the serving two masters part. I think this verse is talking about so much more than money. Who or what am I serving?
I have always said that Giving is my love language. I give the people I love anything I can and that usually means time. I am constantly busy but I give my loved ones my time no matter what other worries or tasks I have on my plate. So... If giving of my time is my love language and whomever I love the most I give the most time too, they are who/what I am serving.
I am not giving my time priority to my heavenly father. I can stretch and say that I am through the many tasks and jobs I do for his people. But thats just not right, I have not been living as if I am in a relationship with Him, walking with Him, talking with Him.
Instead I am serving my to do lists, my school, and my success. None of which are inherently bad but that should not be what I am serving.
A couple weeks ago at Wesley fall retreat we talked about discernment and how this goes hand in hand with sacrifice. One sometimes has to sacrifice their desires to hear Gods most perfect plan. Sacrifice is scary and hard for a control freak like myself. I always think I have the best plan. The speaker talked about how discernment takes practice, which is something I had never really thought about before. Like anything worthy, discernment takes practice. Figuring out what God wants you to do takes practice, listening takes practice, and then letting go of yourself takes practice. Each one of those things also takes a sacrifice.
For the majority of my life I did ballet. Ballet is not natural in anyway so it takes a heck of a lot of practice. I started when I was three, and by age 8 I was going about 4 hours a week, then by age 10 I was going bout 12 hours a week, and this just continued to increase. Most of high school I went every day, at least 3 hours, no matter the season. That is a lot of time spent practicing.
What if I spent that amount of time or even half of that amount each day slowing down, opening my heart in prayer and listening to my abba? That would be a sacrifice of my time but it could change my life. It would change my life. That is my challenge to myself; a worthy sacrifice to the master I am serving.